Epic Insult


Tuesday I blogged about a silly gift I put together for my friend’s 40th birthday.

What I didn’t share with you is the trauma I experienced buying the candles for her cake.

It never fails that I will find the one chatty checker at the store. Captain Cavedweller can get in line and no one will say a word to him other than “did you find what you were looking for” and “thanks, have a nice day.”

Me, in the time it takes for the checker to ring up and  bag my purchases, I can know how many kids they have, why their brother is in jail, the last time their car was serviced and how they like their bread toasted.

The day I was buying my BFF’s candles, I stood smiling at the checker who would not stop talking about her washer and dryer, her kids aptitude for creating dirty laundry and why she wished her neighbors would bring back something they borrowed.

Nodding my head, only half-listening, she asked me about some of the gifts I was buying for BFF. I told her my friend was turning 40 and I was putting together a gift for her.

Without missing a beat, she picked up the “40” candles, looked at them, looked at me and asked, “So, are these for your daughter?”

I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped open. It is possible I even swallowed my gum.

I don’t know that I have ever been so insulted.

As in Epic Insult.

Sure I misheard what she asked, I couldn’t quite bring myself to have her repeat it. Apparently, from the time I got out of bed and ran to the store to the time I stood in her check-out line, I’d aged 20 years!

Finally able to speak, I shook my head. “No, they are for my friend.”

“Oh,” the checker said, then went on rambling about something else.

Fuming, I managed to contain my desire to slap some sense into the woman and thanked her as I piled bags in my cart and trudged out the door. I barely arrived home when Captain Cavedweller called to see how my day was going.

He got an ear-full about the checker which made him laugh so hard, I thought he might actually rupture something.

Since that wasn’t bad enough, he proceeded to tell several people at work who also thought it was hilarious.

I’m still living that whole thing down.

And I haven’t been back to the store since, either.

She Who Is Aging Rapidly

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